“I I was shocked to hear they had separated! All the way up until the time I found out her Facebook page indicated that they had a wonderful life, marriage, and family. How could she publically put out that appearance when it wasn’t what was really going on?” With bewilderment, she was referring to a college friend who lived in another city that she was close to and a godparent of one of her children.
Hungarian Proverb “If you keep wanting to be someone else who will be you?”
In our day and age, an online presence can become more influential than our real presence. It is our current cultural platform through which we communicate. It has spawned worldwide communication and opened great possibilities to share your life worldwide. Like any other thing, it can be good or bad. For God’s people, the good thing is to stay in touch with friends and highlight the good things God is doing in your life.
Unfortunately, It can also be a means of portraying a false online life that isn’t rooted in reality. I have heard it referred to as people becoming curators of the display of self. It can also provoke people to comparisons that can lead to something very harmful to all of us, jealousy and envy.
- “Look at where they got to go on vacation…we have never gone to a place like that. How do they do it?”
- “Look at how nice their new house is…How did they manage that?”
- “Their kids seem to have no problems. They are so cute, happy, and obedient. What’s wrong with mine?”
It can even carry over into our life in Christ.
- “We had 15 people baptized in the past 2 weeks.”
- “I had 3 international trips in the past 3 months and am reaching the ends of the earth”
- “I am preaching to the Alive Conference tonight with 6000 people; please pray for this humble servant of God (of course posted with pictures of the amazing meeting).
- “Our new building is advancing rapidly and the money is pouring in.”
- “I was asked to speak at the …(famous, big, and slick)… conference. Hope to see you there!”
Google the phrase “Facebook envy” and you will get 24,000,000 hits. Google the phrase “Facebook depression” and you will get 91,900,000 hits. These are growing trends.
Paul speaks of the danger of comparisons.
2 Corinthians 10:12-13 For we will not make comparison of ourselves with some of those who say good things about themselves: but these, measuring themselves by themselves, and making a comparison of themselves with themselves, are not wise. (13) We will not give glory to ourselves in over-great measure, but after the measure of the rule which God has given us, a measure which comes even to you.
When we start the comparison game we automatically fall into the trap of pursuing the wrong kind of glory. We pursue a glory (even God’s glory) to give validation to ourselves. The great problem for followers of Jesus is that it is validation from sources other than God. Paul speaks of this as well.
Galatians 1:10-11 GNB Does this sound as if I am trying to win human approval? No indeed! What I want is God’s approval! Am I trying to be popular with people? If I were still trying to do so, I would not be a servant of Christ. (11) Let me tell you, my friends, that the gospel I preach is not of human origin.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 GNB Instead, we always speak as God wants us to, because he has judged us worthy to be entrusted with the Good News. We do not try to please people, but to please God, who tests our motives.
Ephesians 6:6-7 Do this not only when they are watching you, because you want to gain their approval; but with all your heart do what God wants, as slaves of Christ. (7) Do your work as slaves cheerfully, as though you served the Lord, and not merely human beings.
C.S.Lewis Mere Christianity “Pride is essentially competitive…Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more if it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others.”
Constant comparison is fueled by one thing, pride. It can be toxic spiritually because it has cousins called jealousy and envy that will always move in to stay. When we constantly compare ourselves it becomes about our glory rather than His. Even when Peter admonishes us to use our unique gifts that aim was “His glory” not ours.
1 Pet 4:10-11 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.
Three important things from Peter that helps avoid comparisons.
- We all have gifts and value. Everyone is special and needful in God’s economy.
- The purpose of these gifts is to serve His body so she reveals His glory (Eph 1:22-23 3:10-11). Gifts are not about boosting our ego. We are to use our unique giftings and wiring so the church can flourish and God gets the glory.
- The ultimate goal of everything is so God is glorified through Jesus…forever and ever.
Chasing our own glory through comparisons leads to futility. Jesus frees us from that futility as we “lay our lives down for His sake.” Remember the more self-focused you are the more you will care about comparisons and the less self-focused you are the less you will care about these comparisons.Remember the more self-focused you are the more you will care about comparisons and the less self-focused you are the less you will care about these comparisons.. Click To Tweet
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